What Happens When Girls Pick Brackets?!?!!?

I've always wanted to know the rationale behind people's March Madness picks. Here at "A Dime & A Nickel," we have a homegirl named "Beaker" who is more of a fan of college basketball players than actual college basketball. What would happen if we made her choose a bracket and explain her choices? Read on...

Midwest Bracket:
1st Round
(1) louisville vs. (16) Morehead St.
Beaker's Pick: louisville. More head, that doesn't sound right.

(8) Ohio State vs. (9) Siena
BP: Ohio State. Green and gold?!!?! Those two colors shouldn't be together unless it's the Packers. (A Dime & A Nickel Note: Beaker's from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. This will come up again...)

(5) Utah vs. (12) Arizona
BP: Utah, 'cause I don't like Arizona. I don't like dry heat or McCain. I personally don't like ASU.

(4) Wake Forest vs. (13) Cleveland St.
BP: Wake, this guy on Facebook used to hit on me and he played football for Wake Forest. Cleveland? More Ohio, I don't like Ohio.

(6) West Virginia vs. (11) Dayton
BP: Dayton, since Chaminade's not in, Dayton is as close as I can get. (AD&AN Note: Dayton like Chaminade is a Marianist university and is our "sister school.")

(3) Kansas vs. (14) North Dakota St.
BP: I really don't like Kansas 'cause my crazy's aunt's from there. I'm just amazed that they can get #14. The fact that they can get 5 people together and play basketball from the state of North Dakota. I'll pick Kansas 'cause they're the defending national champs.

(7) Boston College vs. (10) USC
BP: Boston College. The Golden Eagles! That was my Mom's high school mascot! And USC, don't they have football? Isn't that enough?

(2) Michigan St. vs. (15) Robert Morris
BP: Michigan St. Robert Morris, it sounds like they're named after a person. That's dumb. (AD&AN note: It is.)

2nd Round
(1) louisille vs. (8) Ohio St.
BP: louisivlle. I don't like Ohio.

(4) Wake Forest vs. (5) Utah
BP: Wake Forest. Cuz of that guy. I can't remember what he looks like.

(3) Kansas vs. (11) Dayton
BP: That's enough Dayton. I don't even like the transfer students that much.

(2) Michigan St. vs. (7) Boston College
BP: BC. Cuz I like that song "Boston" by Augustana. I like to sing that in the car.

Sweet 16
(1) louisville vs. (4) Wake Forest
BP: louisville, I don't like that "Demon" thing (AD&AN note: Wake Forest's nickname is the "Demon Deacons), I'm going to go the other way.

(3) Kansas vs. (7) Boston College
BP: BC. (AD&AN: Again?!) Yup.

Elite 8
(1) louisville vs. (7) Boston College
BP: BC. I have to get rid of louisville. I feel bad about having them beat Wake Forest.

Midwest Champion: Boston College

West Region
1st Round
(1) UConn vs. (16) Tennessee-Chatanooga
BP: I didn't even know Chatanooga was in Tennessee. I'mma go with UConn.

(8) BYU vs. (9) Texas A&M
BP: Texas A&M. Because I feel like they were in a movie and they won. Wasn't it "Drumline?" (AD&AN Note: It was "Atlanta A&M" that was featured in "Drumline." Atlanta A&M is not a real school.)

(5) Purdue vs. (12) Northern Iowa
BP: Northern Iowa. They're named the "Panthers." And I don't like Purdue 'cause my old boss graduated from there.

(4) Washington vs. (13) Mississippi St.
BP: They do stuff beides play soccer in Washington? I'm going to go with Washington because they probably had to make it through the rain.

(6) Marquette vs. (11) Utah St.
BP: Wasn't Utah in it already? I'm going to go with Marquette cuz I'm from Milwaukee.

(3) Missouri vs. (14) Cornell
BP: Cornell's called the "Big Red?!" I'm going to go with the other team 'cause I don't wanna root for Clifford the dog or chewing gum.

(7) California vs. (10) Maryland
BP: Cal. I don't feel like turtles can win anything (AD&AN note: Maryland's nickname is the "Terrapins," a turtle). Plus I like bears.

(2) Memphis vs. (15) Cal State Northridge
BP: Memphis. Northridge was the name of a mall that closed down back home. So if the mall can't make it...?

2nd Round
(1) UConn vs. (9) Texas A&M
BP: UConn. I like their logo.

(4) Washington vs. (12) Northern Iowa
BP: Northern Iowa. That Starbucks coffee can only get you so far. Plus Iowa's Midwest.

(3) Missouri vs. (6) Marquette
BP: last time Marquette went really far we had Dwyane Wade. I think he's gone to the pros by now. Marquette, 'cause the Tigers were my high school rival's mascot. Riverside Tigers, I can't stand them.

(2) Memphis vs. (7) Cal
BP: Cal. 'Cause when I think of Memphis I think of Justin Timberlake. And he hasn't put out a CD in awhile...

Sweet 16
(1) UConn vs. (12) Northern Iowa
BP: UConn, cuz I can spell it. Can I? C-o-n-n...wait...(exhaling)...e-c-t-i-c-u-t-t? (AD&AN note: C-o-n-n-e-c-t-i-c-u-t. Connecticut.)

(6) Marquette vs. (7) Cal
BP: I don't like California in general. California. You know how they say "go big or go home?" I feel like Marquette's gonna go home here.

Elite 8
(1) UConn vs. (7) Cal
BP: UConn. East coast, I like it better. Better rappers too.

West Region Champion: UConn

East Region:
1st Round
(1) Pitt vs. East Tennessee St.
BP: Pitt. Why are there so many Tennesse schools? How many basketball players are there in Tennessee? It's a small state.

(8) Oklahoma St. vs. (9) Tennessee
BP: Oklahoma St. I'm going to go with whoever isn't Tennessee.

(5) Florida St. vs. (12) Wisconsin
BP: Florida St. That's an easy one, I'm not going to pick Wisconsin. All their players went to my rival high schools that we beat. They're a bunch of HS players who are losers.

(4) Xavier vs. (13) Portland St.
BP: I'm going to pick Xavier. It sounds black. And the guy from X-Men.

(6) UClA vs. (11) VCU
BP: UClA. Didn't the Fresh Prince and Carlton go there? (AD&AN note: Another fictitious school, "UlA")

(3) Villanova vs. (14) American U.
BP: Villanova. I'm not going to sound unpatriotic, but American University? That sounds dumb! What do they teach there, to eat fries and make grilled cheese sandwiches?

(7) Texas vs. (10) Minnesota
BP: Texas. I hate Minnesota because I'm from Wisconsin. Fuck Jesse Ventura.

(2) Duke vs. (15) Binghamton
BP: Binghamton. I like the "bearcat." (AD&AN: Binghamton's nickname is the "Bearcats.")

2nd Round
(1) Pitt vs. (8) Oklahoma St.
BP: Oklahoma St. I liked the musical.

(4) Xavier vs. (5) Florida State
BP: Florida State. They survived a hurricane, they can win a basketball game.

(3) Villanova vs. (6) UClA:
BP: Villanova. I just like to say it. It sounds cool, like a spaceship. I don't even know where it is. (AD&AN note: Philadelphia)

(7) Texas vs. (15) Binghamton
BP: Texas. I thought it was "Birmingham," not Binghamton. That's hard to say, "Bing-ham-ton." It's like the opposite of Villanova.

Sweet 16
(5) Florida St. vs. (8) Oklahoma St.
BP: FSU. Miami's in Florida. I like Miami, that's a place I want to go.

(3) Villanova vs. (7) Texas
BP: "Villanova vs. Texas." That sounds like a Disney movie. Spaceship or the cowboys? I'm going to go with...Texas.

Elite 8
(5) Florida St. vs. (7) Texas
BP: Texas, it's just standing out in my mind. It seems more serious than Florida. Florida just seems like jet skis and old-folks homes.

East Region Champion: Texas

South Region
1st Round
(1) North Carolina vs. (16) Radford
BP: North Carolina. Radford's a high school. It's a high school in Hawaii, it's a high school in Milwaukee. Why are they putting small children up against grown people?

(8) lSU vs. (9) Butler
BP: lSU. I've been to louisiana. New Orleans is in louisiana, right? I'll show them some love, unlike FEMA.

(5) Illinois vs. (12) Western Kentucky
BP: I hate Illinois. Western Kentucky? This ain't no horse race. I'll take Illinois, this isn't a derby, it's a tournament. Horses can only go one round.

(4) Gonzaga vs. (13) Akron
BP: Gonzaga. That's another fun word. It has a 'Z.'

(6) Arizona State vs. (11) Temple
BP: Arizona State even though I hate them. They're out next round.

(3) Syracuse vs. (14) Stephen F. Austin
BP: Syracuse. Stephen F. Austin? That sounds like an elementary school. Who the fuck is Stephen F. Austin? What did he do that was so important that he has a school named after him with sports? (AD&AN note: You know what...nevermind...)

(7) Clemson vs. (10) Michigan
BP: Michigan. I like blue and gold. They're my high school colors.

(2) Oklahoma vs. (15) Morgan St.
BP: Oklahoma. I wasn't feeling Morgan.

2nd Round
(1) North Carolina vs. (8) lSU
BP: lSU. I like Tigers better than Tar Heels. Sounds like car tires.

(4) Gonzaga vs. (5) Illinois
JP: Gonzaga! Why don't they pronounce the 's' in "Illinois?" Who leaves letters out of their own name?!

(3) Syracuse vs. (6) Arizona St.
BP: Bye Arizona St.! Pack it up and go back to your desert!!!!

(2) Oklahoma vs. (10) Michigan
BP: Michigan.

Sweet 16:
(4) Gonzaga vs. (8) lSU
BP: This is so hard. The further we go on, it's schools I like. I'm going to go with Gonzaga.

(3) Syracuse vs. (10) Michigan
BP: I feel like Syrcuse has to run out of steam eventually. Michigan seems kind of dirty. I think of that lake. Plus Syracuse has a good grad program. I'mma go with Syracuse and invest in my future.

Elite 8:
(3) Syracuse vs. (4) Gonzaga
BP: Gonzaga. They're going to win.

South Region Champion: Gonzaga

Final Four
UConn vs. Boston College
BP: UConn. I remember in HS watching a game where their women's team won. And Boston makes me think of the "Good Will Hunting" guys, and they're not doing very much right now.

Gonzaga vs. Texas
BP: Wait, Gonzaga's in Spokane, Washington?!?! I didn't know about that!!! Texas.

National Championship
UConn vs. Texas
BP: I don't know. I can only take this so far. I mean, I can only get them to this point...

$0.15