AD&AN Go to the Movies: I Love You, Man

Movie: I Love You, Man

Starring: Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, "Karen Fillipelli" from "The Office," Andy Samberg, "Jameson" from "Spider-Man," Jon Favreau, Lou Ferrigno, "Dangle" from "Reno: 911," "Jamie Pressly

Plot: Peter (Rudd) and Zooey (Karen) are engaged to be married. Peter overhears Zooey and her multitude of friends talking one night about how his lack of friends will make for one bad bridal party, and how he'll be a clingy husband. In an effort to prove Zooey and her friends wrong, Peter is set-up on a series of "man dates" to find friends.

Reaction: It's a really, REALLY good premise. A reverse love story, a guy searching for love...from another man. A guy just trying to find platonic love from another man, "homey-hunting." Although there are a handful of laugh at loud moments, something seems to be missing from the movie. Lou Ferrigno playing himself is a nice touch, and the rest of the supporting cast does a good job as well, but the premise isn't as well executed as it could've been. The dialogue is still good, as is expected from these movies, and there are great quotes, as evidenced by a few of the "Slappin' da bass, maan" on people's Facebook statuses. The movie's funny, but not as funny as previous movies that these guys have been in like "Knocked Up," "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," and "Role Models."

Rating: This movie gets 2 quarters and 2 dimes. $0.70

They Said It, Not Us- Family Feud

Wuts good folks!? Peter Darker here. Earlier today I was watching Family Feud, not only because it's entertaining to watch but also because of the dumbest answers some of these people blare out and today’s episode was nothing short of my expectations. So both families had one person from each side go to the front for a head to head. Now, if you've never seen the show (which should not be the case unless you're from Calcutta) each person has a chance to participate in the head to head. The main goal is to hit the buzzer before the other person and answer with one of the top surveyed answers for a question. So, two people from both families come up to the buzzer, one being the genius that inspired this. The host asked the question, "What might excite a dog?" and before you could blink, this dude hits the buzzer with a quickness...he abruptly answers,"...COLORS!!"...yes folks, colors...think about it lol…and if you’re too slow/lazy to think about it, dogs are colorblind. Once again, this is Peter Darker, informing you that if you say something dumb, 10 & 5 will put you on blast!

Management

Yup, We Got A New Recurring Segment...

...or is it "reoccurring?" I take a lot of pride in being more intelligent than the average person so I'm pretty sure it's "recurring." And if it's not, I still hold to that first statement.

Anywho, I was at Safeway yesterday in the chip aisle, when I meandered over to the Doritos section (Doritos is off-top the greatest chip known to man, and to steal a line from Ron Burgandy, "if you disagree, I will punch you in the face." Well, not really. But I'll want to.). Apparently, the geniuses at Frito-Lay decided they wanted to add a "Late Night" flavor for their chips. I suppose while I'm holding someone's ankles during a keg stand or trying to pick-up a drunk girl outside of Waikiki Trade Center, I'm supposed to be craving Doritos.

One of the new flavors is called, "Tacos at Midnight." When I saw this, one glaring thing was going through my mind, "That sounds like the name of a gay porno."

So, from the people that brought you the "Slang Word of the Day" and "They Said It, Not Us," A Dime & A Nickel now presents..."Things That Sound Like a Porno."

Our first, "Tacos at Midnight."

SNSJ: Jodeci

Why hello there all you late-night lovers. It's that time again, Sunday night, the mood is right. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww yeeeeeeeeeeeea. We're gonna break you off with another classic. Fellas, if you got a girly over and you're trying to set the right mood, three words, Joe. Duh. See. They play this song in the club and the girls go nuts. Let's get to the video.



Management

A Dime & A Nickel Go to the Movies

Here @ AD&AN we're starting a new segment where we review movies, new, old, theater, DVD, whatever, that we've seen. We're calling it, "A Dime & A Nickel Go to the Movies."

Movie: "Rounders."

Starring: Matt Damon, Edward Norton, John Malkovich, John Tuturro, Martin Landau

Plot: Mike McD (Damon) is a law student who's in love with poker, until he loses all his money in one hand against Russian mob boss, Teddy KGB (Malkovich). Mike decides to quit cold turkey and gets hooked up at a day-job by his poker mentor, Knish (Turturro). But Mike gets the bug back when his childhood friend and fellow poker shark, Worm (Norton), gets out of jail. Though Mike is excited to be with his friend again, Worm does more harm than good, even when he doesn't intend to.

Reaction: "Rounders" seems a little ahead of it's time. It wasn't until high school when I noticed kids playing Texas Hold 'Em in the hall for push-ups, and the World Series of Poker on ESPN. The movie came out in 1998. Damon, Norton, Malkovich, Turturo, and Martin Landau (who plays Mike's teacher at law school) are all favorites of mine and do a great job acting (Plus, who doesn't want to see John Malkovich doing a Russian accent?). Norton isn't featured as much as he should, but Damon does a great job carrying the movie. I hesitate to call Poker a sport, but "Rounders" feels like a sports movie, and a good one at that.

Rating: "Rounders" gets 2 quarters and 3 dimes, a total of $0.80.

Old School Hip-Hop Video:"Fast Life"

Wuts good folks!? It's Friday and it's time for tha old school hip-hop video of tha week. If you have ever heard someone say that it's not possible to work out on a treadmill with Timberland boots on, this video should prove them wrong!(ahaha, you gotta watch tha video) We gotta classic for all yall real hip-hop fans out there called "Fast Life" by Kool G. Rap featuring Nas. Hope yall enjoy and have a good weekend everybody. Peace

PS- At the beginning of the video pay attention to the dialogue and you can tell that neither of them knew what they were gonna say! Look at Nas and you'll see him look up waiting for somebody to tell him what to do next! ahahaha, hillarious folks!

Monday Afternoon Slow-Jam

So if you play some Boyz II Men for a girl, odds are you're gonna get the panties moist. But if you mix that with some LL Cool J...well, take flight...



Management

My Bracket Picks

We'll keep this short and sweet.

Midwest:
1st Round Winners:
(1) Louisville, (8) Ohio St., (12) Arizona, (4) Wake Forest, (6) West Virginia, (3) Kansas, (10) USC, (2) Michigan St.

2nd Round Winners:
(1) Louisville, (4) Wake Forest, (3) Kansas, (2) Michigan St.

Sweet 16 Winners:
(1) Louisville, (2) Michigan St.

Elite 8 Winner:
(1) Louisville

West:
1st Round Winners:
(1) UConn (8) Texas A&M (5) Purdue, (4) Washington, (6) Marquette, (3) Missouri, (7) Cal, (2) Memphis

2nd Round Winners:
(1) UConn, (4) Washington, (6) Marquette, (2) Memphis

Sweet 16 Winners:
(1) UConn, (6) Marquette

Elite 8 Winner:
(1) UConn

East:
1st Round Winners:
(1) Pittsburgh, (9) Tennessee, (5) Florida State, (4) Xavier, (6) UCLA, (3) Villanova, (7) Texas, (2) Duke

2nd Round Winners:
(1) Pittsburgh, (5) Florida State, (6) UCLA, (2) Duke

Sweet 16 Winners:
(1) Pittsburgh, (2) Duke

Elite 8 Winner:
(2) Duke

South:
1st Round Winners:
(1) North Carolina, (8) Butler, (5) Illinois, (4) Gonzaga, (6) Arizona State (3) Syracuse, (10) Michigan, (2) Oklahoma

2nd Round Winners:
(1) North Carolina, (4) Gonzaga, (3) Syracuse, (2) Oklahoma

Sweet 16 Winners:
(1) North Carolina, (3) Syracuse

Elite 8 Winner:
(1) North Carolina

Final Four Winners:
Louisville over UConn, North Carolina over Duke

National Championship:
North Carolina over Louisville

Anthony

What Happens When Girls Pick Brackets?!?!!?

I've always wanted to know the rationale behind people's March Madness picks. Here at "A Dime & A Nickel," we have a homegirl named "Beaker" who is more of a fan of college basketball players than actual college basketball. What would happen if we made her choose a bracket and explain her choices? Read on...

Midwest Bracket:
1st Round
(1) louisville vs. (16) Morehead St.
Beaker's Pick: louisville. More head, that doesn't sound right.

(8) Ohio State vs. (9) Siena
BP: Ohio State. Green and gold?!!?! Those two colors shouldn't be together unless it's the Packers. (A Dime & A Nickel Note: Beaker's from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. This will come up again...)

(5) Utah vs. (12) Arizona
BP: Utah, 'cause I don't like Arizona. I don't like dry heat or McCain. I personally don't like ASU.

(4) Wake Forest vs. (13) Cleveland St.
BP: Wake, this guy on Facebook used to hit on me and he played football for Wake Forest. Cleveland? More Ohio, I don't like Ohio.

(6) West Virginia vs. (11) Dayton
BP: Dayton, since Chaminade's not in, Dayton is as close as I can get. (AD&AN Note: Dayton like Chaminade is a Marianist university and is our "sister school.")

(3) Kansas vs. (14) North Dakota St.
BP: I really don't like Kansas 'cause my crazy's aunt's from there. I'm just amazed that they can get #14. The fact that they can get 5 people together and play basketball from the state of North Dakota. I'll pick Kansas 'cause they're the defending national champs.

(7) Boston College vs. (10) USC
BP: Boston College. The Golden Eagles! That was my Mom's high school mascot! And USC, don't they have football? Isn't that enough?

(2) Michigan St. vs. (15) Robert Morris
BP: Michigan St. Robert Morris, it sounds like they're named after a person. That's dumb. (AD&AN note: It is.)

2nd Round
(1) louisille vs. (8) Ohio St.
BP: louisivlle. I don't like Ohio.

(4) Wake Forest vs. (5) Utah
BP: Wake Forest. Cuz of that guy. I can't remember what he looks like.

(3) Kansas vs. (11) Dayton
BP: That's enough Dayton. I don't even like the transfer students that much.

(2) Michigan St. vs. (7) Boston College
BP: BC. Cuz I like that song "Boston" by Augustana. I like to sing that in the car.

Sweet 16
(1) louisville vs. (4) Wake Forest
BP: louisville, I don't like that "Demon" thing (AD&AN note: Wake Forest's nickname is the "Demon Deacons), I'm going to go the other way.

(3) Kansas vs. (7) Boston College
BP: BC. (AD&AN: Again?!) Yup.

Elite 8
(1) louisville vs. (7) Boston College
BP: BC. I have to get rid of louisville. I feel bad about having them beat Wake Forest.

Midwest Champion: Boston College

West Region
1st Round
(1) UConn vs. (16) Tennessee-Chatanooga
BP: I didn't even know Chatanooga was in Tennessee. I'mma go with UConn.

(8) BYU vs. (9) Texas A&M
BP: Texas A&M. Because I feel like they were in a movie and they won. Wasn't it "Drumline?" (AD&AN Note: It was "Atlanta A&M" that was featured in "Drumline." Atlanta A&M is not a real school.)

(5) Purdue vs. (12) Northern Iowa
BP: Northern Iowa. They're named the "Panthers." And I don't like Purdue 'cause my old boss graduated from there.

(4) Washington vs. (13) Mississippi St.
BP: They do stuff beides play soccer in Washington? I'm going to go with Washington because they probably had to make it through the rain.

(6) Marquette vs. (11) Utah St.
BP: Wasn't Utah in it already? I'm going to go with Marquette cuz I'm from Milwaukee.

(3) Missouri vs. (14) Cornell
BP: Cornell's called the "Big Red?!" I'm going to go with the other team 'cause I don't wanna root for Clifford the dog or chewing gum.

(7) California vs. (10) Maryland
BP: Cal. I don't feel like turtles can win anything (AD&AN note: Maryland's nickname is the "Terrapins," a turtle). Plus I like bears.

(2) Memphis vs. (15) Cal State Northridge
BP: Memphis. Northridge was the name of a mall that closed down back home. So if the mall can't make it...?

2nd Round
(1) UConn vs. (9) Texas A&M
BP: UConn. I like their logo.

(4) Washington vs. (12) Northern Iowa
BP: Northern Iowa. That Starbucks coffee can only get you so far. Plus Iowa's Midwest.

(3) Missouri vs. (6) Marquette
BP: last time Marquette went really far we had Dwyane Wade. I think he's gone to the pros by now. Marquette, 'cause the Tigers were my high school rival's mascot. Riverside Tigers, I can't stand them.

(2) Memphis vs. (7) Cal
BP: Cal. 'Cause when I think of Memphis I think of Justin Timberlake. And he hasn't put out a CD in awhile...

Sweet 16
(1) UConn vs. (12) Northern Iowa
BP: UConn, cuz I can spell it. Can I? C-o-n-n...wait...(exhaling)...e-c-t-i-c-u-t-t? (AD&AN note: C-o-n-n-e-c-t-i-c-u-t. Connecticut.)

(6) Marquette vs. (7) Cal
BP: I don't like California in general. California. You know how they say "go big or go home?" I feel like Marquette's gonna go home here.

Elite 8
(1) UConn vs. (7) Cal
BP: UConn. East coast, I like it better. Better rappers too.

West Region Champion: UConn

East Region:
1st Round
(1) Pitt vs. East Tennessee St.
BP: Pitt. Why are there so many Tennesse schools? How many basketball players are there in Tennessee? It's a small state.

(8) Oklahoma St. vs. (9) Tennessee
BP: Oklahoma St. I'm going to go with whoever isn't Tennessee.

(5) Florida St. vs. (12) Wisconsin
BP: Florida St. That's an easy one, I'm not going to pick Wisconsin. All their players went to my rival high schools that we beat. They're a bunch of HS players who are losers.

(4) Xavier vs. (13) Portland St.
BP: I'm going to pick Xavier. It sounds black. And the guy from X-Men.

(6) UClA vs. (11) VCU
BP: UClA. Didn't the Fresh Prince and Carlton go there? (AD&AN note: Another fictitious school, "UlA")

(3) Villanova vs. (14) American U.
BP: Villanova. I'm not going to sound unpatriotic, but American University? That sounds dumb! What do they teach there, to eat fries and make grilled cheese sandwiches?

(7) Texas vs. (10) Minnesota
BP: Texas. I hate Minnesota because I'm from Wisconsin. Fuck Jesse Ventura.

(2) Duke vs. (15) Binghamton
BP: Binghamton. I like the "bearcat." (AD&AN: Binghamton's nickname is the "Bearcats.")

2nd Round
(1) Pitt vs. (8) Oklahoma St.
BP: Oklahoma St. I liked the musical.

(4) Xavier vs. (5) Florida State
BP: Florida State. They survived a hurricane, they can win a basketball game.

(3) Villanova vs. (6) UClA:
BP: Villanova. I just like to say it. It sounds cool, like a spaceship. I don't even know where it is. (AD&AN note: Philadelphia)

(7) Texas vs. (15) Binghamton
BP: Texas. I thought it was "Birmingham," not Binghamton. That's hard to say, "Bing-ham-ton." It's like the opposite of Villanova.

Sweet 16
(5) Florida St. vs. (8) Oklahoma St.
BP: FSU. Miami's in Florida. I like Miami, that's a place I want to go.

(3) Villanova vs. (7) Texas
BP: "Villanova vs. Texas." That sounds like a Disney movie. Spaceship or the cowboys? I'm going to go with...Texas.

Elite 8
(5) Florida St. vs. (7) Texas
BP: Texas, it's just standing out in my mind. It seems more serious than Florida. Florida just seems like jet skis and old-folks homes.

East Region Champion: Texas

South Region
1st Round
(1) North Carolina vs. (16) Radford
BP: North Carolina. Radford's a high school. It's a high school in Hawaii, it's a high school in Milwaukee. Why are they putting small children up against grown people?

(8) lSU vs. (9) Butler
BP: lSU. I've been to louisiana. New Orleans is in louisiana, right? I'll show them some love, unlike FEMA.

(5) Illinois vs. (12) Western Kentucky
BP: I hate Illinois. Western Kentucky? This ain't no horse race. I'll take Illinois, this isn't a derby, it's a tournament. Horses can only go one round.

(4) Gonzaga vs. (13) Akron
BP: Gonzaga. That's another fun word. It has a 'Z.'

(6) Arizona State vs. (11) Temple
BP: Arizona State even though I hate them. They're out next round.

(3) Syracuse vs. (14) Stephen F. Austin
BP: Syracuse. Stephen F. Austin? That sounds like an elementary school. Who the fuck is Stephen F. Austin? What did he do that was so important that he has a school named after him with sports? (AD&AN note: You know what...nevermind...)

(7) Clemson vs. (10) Michigan
BP: Michigan. I like blue and gold. They're my high school colors.

(2) Oklahoma vs. (15) Morgan St.
BP: Oklahoma. I wasn't feeling Morgan.

2nd Round
(1) North Carolina vs. (8) lSU
BP: lSU. I like Tigers better than Tar Heels. Sounds like car tires.

(4) Gonzaga vs. (5) Illinois
JP: Gonzaga! Why don't they pronounce the 's' in "Illinois?" Who leaves letters out of their own name?!

(3) Syracuse vs. (6) Arizona St.
BP: Bye Arizona St.! Pack it up and go back to your desert!!!!

(2) Oklahoma vs. (10) Michigan
BP: Michigan.

Sweet 16:
(4) Gonzaga vs. (8) lSU
BP: This is so hard. The further we go on, it's schools I like. I'm going to go with Gonzaga.

(3) Syracuse vs. (10) Michigan
BP: I feel like Syrcuse has to run out of steam eventually. Michigan seems kind of dirty. I think of that lake. Plus Syracuse has a good grad program. I'mma go with Syracuse and invest in my future.

Elite 8:
(3) Syracuse vs. (4) Gonzaga
BP: Gonzaga. They're going to win.

South Region Champion: Gonzaga

Final Four
UConn vs. Boston College
BP: UConn. I remember in HS watching a game where their women's team won. And Boston makes me think of the "Good Will Hunting" guys, and they're not doing very much right now.

Gonzaga vs. Texas
BP: Wait, Gonzaga's in Spokane, Washington?!?! I didn't know about that!!! Texas.

National Championship
UConn vs. Texas
BP: I don't know. I can only take this so far. I mean, I can only get them to this point...

$0.15

This is How We Chill...

Hey gang,

So we ain't posted one of these in awhile so here's a really good one. Coming out of my neck of the woods, the Bay Area, here's a "Dime & a Nickel" favorite, the Souls of Mischeif with "'93 'Til Inifnity."

Before hyphy and all that, there was Hieroglyphics, and Digital Underground and some other cool cats that did their thing for the Bay Area Hip-hop scene. This one is fo' real a classic, so enjoy...



Anthony

Slang Word of the Day: 3/16

Light-weight (lahyt-weyt):
-adjective
-Origin: Bay Area
-UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD THE WORD "LOW-KEY" BE SUBSTITUTED!!!

As a young person, and as a colored person, but most of all as a young colored person I enjoy using what the elderly and English teachers, but most of all the elderly English teachers would call "slang." But I do not like it when people don't use slang correctly.

This week's word, is "lightweight." Lightweight basically means "kind of," or a "little bit." It is meant to be used in circumstances when there are shades of gray. For example, one can be "lightweight hungry," like when you won't go to the kitchen and make something to eat for yourself, or you won't reach over to your phone and order a pizza, but if say, someone were to offer you a half-eaten sandwich, you'd take it and eat it so fast it looked like you made out with it. That's lightweight.

In addition, one can be "lightweight tipsy." Say for example, your make-up is a little smeared and you're slurring your speech, but you're definitely not giving your number out to the Marine that keeps asking you to dance and has followed you all over the club. That's lightweight.

"Lightweight" is a status that can be easily changed. Thirsty, tired, poor. "Lightweight" should not be used with concrete things. For example, one cannot be "lightweight engaged." You're either wearing a ring, or you're not. Just like you can't be "lightweight pregnant." You're either with child, or you're not.

Further, I have heard some people use the word "low-key" in place of "lightweight." This is a HUGE slang faux pas. Never, ever, use the word "low-key."

White people, consider this your lesson for the day.

$0.15

Appendectomies Suck

As some of you may know, I had to get an emergency appendcetomy last week. It went well, I'm feeling a lot better (thanks a lot for the well-wishes BTW). And it was quite an interesting experience. Here's a running diary of how it went down. (Note: The times are a guesstimation, and are in Hawaiian Standard Time.)

Sunday, March 1st, 10:13 am: I wake up, pay the prositute (not true), brush my teeth and don't shower (true) cuz I'm already 13 minutes late for work @ the Student Center. In other words, I'd still be 20 minutes ahead of Cyle. I have what I would call, a "minor stomachache." (Is that two words or one?) I had Burger King the night before, I figure I'll just poop @ school and lie down on the couch and it'll go away like 100% of the other stomachaches I've had my entire life.

1:00 pm: Stomach is hurting badly. Going #2 isn't helping and lying down isn't doing much either. That was my Plan A, I do not have a Plan B. I don't even have an appetite to go to the caf and get free breakfast. Something must be wrong.

1:30: I have a Plan B!!! Taking a page out of my Grandma's playbook, I decide to get a Sprite from the vending machine. All that's missing is the Vicks Vap-O-Rub. Blacks have Robitussin (or "'Tussin" as Cyle calls it) Greeks have Windex, and Latinos have Sprite (7-Up also works) and Vicks Vap-O-Rub. (Or what my Grandma would call, "Beaks.")

2:00: Sprite tastes the same being vomited out of your mouth as it does going down your esophagus. In other words, it's the exact opposite of tequila. P.S. Thank you Raekwon for buying me that shot of Goose on my birthday, I truly appreciate it, although you prolly should've saved your money cuz after we took it I casually strolled to the bathroom (fully composed) and yakked out my soul. It's amazing what a couple of sips of water, some gum, and pinpoint accuracy can do. No one noticed. If I do say so myself, that was pretty clutch. I really should've tipped the bathroom attendant.

3:00: My shift is over and Niggy comes to relieve me (that's what she said). I tell him of my problem, and ask him if I should go to the ER. White people seem to know a lot about medicine. He says to wait it out. It's a good thing he's here.

3:15: I seek the ultimate advice, I call my Mom. She's a doctor, not the M.D. kind but the Ph.D kind. Close enough. "Wait and see if it goes away, if it doesn't by tomorrow go to the ER."

5:30: I wake up on the couch and my stomach still hurts. I ask Niggy what time it is, he says 5:30. I've been sleeping for a little less than 2 and a half hours. This sucks.

7:00: I head home to Pepcid AC, and sleep.

Monday, 3/2, 3:00am: I can't take it anymore. There's no relief for the pain. Lie on my back, it hurts. Lie on my side, it hurts, lie on my stomach...let's say that was a really REALLY bad idea. I call my Moms and Dad to tell them and get a ride to the hospital.

3:30: Hospitals are notoriously slow for getting people treated but I get to a bed right away...AND in walks my nurse, who I went out and partied with a week earlier during Mardi Gras. (Sidebar: For Mardi Gras I went out w/ my boy Mike and his work buddies to a block party in Chinatown. Mike works as a security guard @ the hospital I was @ and all the girls we had gone out w/ that night were nurses. Natalya is one of them, and she's now about to stick an IV in my arm. Let's just say you feel a little different about someone when you see paint and glitter on their faces, double-fisting Coronas. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.)

3:35: The results are in...IT'S A GOOD THING! "We're gonna give you morphine for the pain." WAY TO GO, NATALYA! I'm gonna pretend that she's doing it cuz she enjoyed my company on Mardi Gras.

3:37: Morphine does not play around!!! As soon as she said she was putting it in my IV, I start to get light-headed. If I see a dragon I'm gonna be freaked out. And oh yeah, it kinda made the pain go away.

3:40: I can't help but feel weak when I look @ the screen for the heart monitor thingy. You're looking @ it like, "Please keep beeping. Please." If it stops, well, as my Dad would eloquently say, "That's your ass."

3:45: They're gonna do a CT scan but first they need me to drink a whole liter of this orange stuff which is gonna make my insides glow-in-the-dark so they can see it better on the x-ray. It tastes like a combination of lead, whale piss, and Orange Kool-Aid, everyone knows that Red is the best flavor.

4:00: Apparently whale piss makes you have to pee.

4:20: And again.

4:45: And again.

5:15: See above.

5:45: I fall in and out of sleep, I can hear the doctor talking into his handheld voice recorder. (I didn't know they actually did that.) "Patient's complaining of abdominal pain. I don't think it's appendicitis." I was glad to hear this @ the time, but I shoulda foreseen the foreshadowing here, huh?

6:00: Time for my CT scan. They roll me in my bed to the x-ray room. That was kinda cool.

6:02: I see this arch-looking thing that they're gonna put me under to take my x-ray. It looks like something out of a sci-fi movie when the aliens kill the human and then eat their intestines to regenerate their power. This isn't so cool anymore.

6:05: Male Nurse: "I"m putting something in your IV for the catscan. You're gonna feel warm all over from head to toe and you're gonna get a metallic taste in your mouth." Yay...yea, this is definitely not cool anymore.

6:06: The warming senstation hits. Please don't pee myself, please don't pee myself, please don't pee myself. Uh-oh.

6:07: Good news, I didn't pee myself...but I did throw up. Everywhere. Apparently that's a side effect of that warm/metallic thing. My vomit is orange, remember what I said about throwing up Sprite, add "piss: whale" to that file. Luckily Greg Focker gave me a bowl in time. This is so not cool.

6:30: They have the results of my CT scan. "Mr. Garcia, you actually do have appendicitis and we're gonna have to do emergency surgery right away." Well then...

7:00: My surgeon, Dr. Pedro comes in and talks to me. A Samoan with a last name of "Pedro," you figure that one out. He has this suave accent, he's got one of those accents that makes him sound like he has chest hair and is very popular w/ the ladies. No homo.

7:10: Just to scare the S#!t outta me, the hospital makes me sign a "If you die during surgery, you and your family can't sue us" contract. I think of saying, "Hey guys, did you want me to sign it in blood, cuz ya know, I could do that if you wanted to." I decide against it, this man is about to cut into my body and remove an organ (not to mention he sounds like he could probably seduce my mother and two sisters), it's probably best not to piss him off.

7:15: Just for fun, the assistant surgeon wants to stick something up my butt!!! This is quite possibly the worst day of my life and it's barely a quarter-over. Really, it's 7:15 in the morning and you wanna go up my anus? Can I have a cup of coffee, a donut, and read the paper first?

7:16: "Turn to your side and hold onto the railing."

7:17: YYYYYYYEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

7:18: The nurse leaves but I still don't wanna turn over. I'm still holding onto the railing. I'm too scared to move.

7:19: Let's pretend this never happened.

7:20-8:20: Please don't give me a catheter! Please don't give me a catheter! Please don't give me a catheter!

8:20: They move me to the pre-surgery room where the nurse helps me get undressed, that was an experience.

8:30: In walks the most important person in my life right now, the anesthesiologist. He makes anesthesiologist jokes, "You won't wake-up during, hopefully you'll wake-up after." I feel like they teach you these in anesthesiology school. I'm too nervous to laugh. I feel like pilots and anesthesiologists should never, ever, joke around. Ever.

8:35: Dr. Pedro's back. Surgery's gonna start @ 8:45-ish, it's gonna take an hour. "Good, so, I'll be able to watch "Price Is Right" after?" I ask. Nobody laughed.

8:45-ish: They wheel me in. Called my parents, they sound terrified, good times! My Dad makes a "What if you don't come out of surgery joke?" I can't wait 'til he tears another meniscus.

8:50: They put the mask on my face, and the doctor pinches my neck. Goodnight everbody!

Not sure what time it is: I wake up in another room w/ the mask on my face, I'm groggy. My side hurts, someone pats me on the shoulder. I'm guessing it went well. A lot of white people around, did I die and end up in the wrong Heaven? That would suck.

5 min. later: "The surgery was a success, Mr. Garcia. You did well." I was passed out from the anesthesia and laying there, but if you say so!
Me: "What time is it?"
Nurse: "11:30."
11:30: 11:30! 11:30!!! This was supposed to be an hour-long surgery.
11:31: First two thoughts after that: 1. Oh no, my parents are gonna think I'm dead!!! 2. More importantly, I missed "Price Is Right!"

P.S. Everything else after wasn't very noteworthy. Thanks to everyone who showed up and brought balloons, flowers, cards, and didn't hug me too tight, and to everyone who called, Myspaced, and Facebooked. It may not seem like much, but it meant a lot to me. Thank you, fo' reals.

P.P.S. If you would like to donate to the "Joseph Anthony Carlos Garcia Fund for Joseph Anthony Carlos Garcia" and help me pay for the expenses, (hospital visits ain't cheap!!!) please feel free to contact me.

SNSJ: "Climax" by Slum Village

Ooooweee! Wuts good folks?!! It is another beautiful sunday night and we have an oh so dope slow-jam from S.V. It's called "Climax", but I think it should've been named "3 ON 1"...yea...ahaha, anywayz. It's a coo video and check out the guest appearance by Mr. Coleman...Wut u talkin about Willis!!? ahaha, i'm sorry...I just wanted to say that out loud. ENJOY!

VJ Peter Darker and Company

WTF?! Does Anybody Feel Me?!

Wuts good folks!? I need some help right now…Can someone, in God’s great-jolly-green earth, tell me that it’s only my imagination that NBC gave Jimmy Fallon a talk show let alone a comedic one, in place of Conan O’Brien’s previous spot (Rest In Peace). Really NBC?! I feel like there are a lot of reasons why this is not a good decision on NBC’s part, but only one stands out…HE’S NOT FUNNY!!!!!

Let’s be real (or as some of my “ethnically challenged” friends might say, “For Pete Sakes!”), how many times, while watching an SNL skit, did you get frustrated and annoyed when Jimmy Fallon popped into frame?! He's still the reason why I don't like the "Weekend Update". Don't get me wrong, I like Tina Fey but Jimmy Fallon scarred me...(no pun intended). Or when you're at the movies, and during the best part (previews) seeing him in a movie…yall remember Taxi?...Exactly! (God Bless Queen Latifah’s soul)

I just don’t see the logic in having a person who’s not funny, host a comedic talk show. This would be like having Michael Vick replace Cesar Millan as the Dog Whisperer...it would be entertaining and kinda funny, but that’s not the point folks! And all this time I felt that Carson Daly was outta place…FEEL ME?!

Clyde Tha Glyde
10’s & 5’s

SNSJ: "Superman" by Robin Thicke

Wuts good folks!? It is a sunday night and the perfect opportunity to vibe wit a special somebody to our Sunday Night Slow Jam. Tonite, we got one from Robin Thicke's second album, it's called "Superman" and this one is 4TL (For The Ladies). Enjoy.

Cyle and Friend(s)?...

PS- This version skips a little at tha end but tha quality is still good (i know ghetto. GET OVER IT! aha) Oh, and alot of people don't know this, but Mr. Thicke (i feel uncomfortable saying his name like that...no homo) is married to, in my opinion, one of the finest actress' out there Paula Patton. She played in Idlewild, Deja-Vu, Mirrors and some other ones i don't remember. Oh, she supposedly has a part in this movie called Push but not the one with the super powers which i have an agenda on but don't have time to discuss it now, but shall in due time mi amigos...peace

Robin thicke Superman -